Oct. 17th, 2010

fumon: Photo of me with green and gold hair without a previously present goatee (Default)
So today I couldn't get a refill for my ADD meds because the pharmacy that got my prescription faxed to them closes at 1:30PM on Saturday and I got there at 1:20PM... and they were closed. I know it was bad planning of mine not to pick them up the day before when I ran out but I've been recovering from the weekend drive to Boston for most of the week and it'll be a miracle if I'll be recovered enough to do anything useful by Tuesday.
What followed was a very bad day of tiredness, crabbiness, naps at 3PM that lasted until 8PM, self-consciousness, depression, questioning my life's direction and, in general, nothing good. Even a party with alcohol and a girl who seemed interested in me, who ended up probably somewhat put out by my social awkwardness in not knowing how to suggest a trip back to her place which ended in, you guessed it, awkwardness, failed to cause any deviancy from my typical spiral into self-loathing and questioning myself in every decision I've made since 3rd grade.
In summary:
Decisions are hard.
Laziness is difficult to overcome.
The sky is blue sometimes.
The enemy's gate is down.
I wish I remembered my dreams more.

Sorry for two ugly and depressing posts in a row but I promise my venting will become more entertaining and lighthearted soon.

P.S. A shout out to Meagan who has been helping me find another reason to be unhappy and confused lately... but it had to happen some time with this particular issue... just wasn't prepared for it to be now.
P.P.S. I'll never be prepared for that issue... kinda the point...
fumon: Photo of me with green and gold hair without a previously present goatee (Default)
So I've noticed that the more I interact with people the more I'm falling into the same old mistakes everyone makes and forgetting all the things I used to hold my personality together.
I'm exhausting myself just to interact with friends more, I'm letting other people make me self conscious, I'm getting into arguments over crap I didn't used to care about, and my personal life is suffering along with it.
I think I just need to take a break, focus on some things and recommit myself to whatever it is I was committed to before people became my priority. Finding that thread again is going to take some time.
It all starts with not leaving my bed today. Yeah, that's it.

Good Night,
F

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fumon: Photo of me with green and gold hair without a previously present goatee (Default)
fumon

December 2010

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